no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
