i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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