why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just gargled with NyQuil
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
