fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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