She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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