I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
