Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
