She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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