What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
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he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
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I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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