I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
