At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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