I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The power of my boobs compel you
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
