Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
