I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
