what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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