Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
