Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The air was thick with penises
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize