Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
