there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
