he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
