Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
