Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize