this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
