Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He shit in the fireplace
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