I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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