Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
