no, he came in my armpit
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
