My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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