She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
