Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
