I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
not ubering you a puppy
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize