Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
