You're completely useless in the revolution.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
