Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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