this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
