need another drink. this is the easiest way
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
