True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
