I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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