you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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