So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
