In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize