why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
