Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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