I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
