woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
