he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
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i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
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I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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