i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
