I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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