I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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