You're earring is so big in my mouth
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
