I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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