There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
