Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
