so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
