just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
