This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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