Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
