How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Randomize
