just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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