What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
