I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
