Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
