He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
