just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
