is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you are never too drunk for berry picking
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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