This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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