Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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