i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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