I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Everything about him screamed your future.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
